Maybe my solace is still with the church. We started attending at St. Paul's in the winter of 2004 when I was a grad student at the Curry School. Eventually we were received into the Episcopal Church at St. Paul's, our sons were baptized there, and I served two different terms on the Vestry (09-11 & 14-16). During the second term I served as Junior Warden a couple years and Senior Warden for one year during the parish's search for a new rector. Those were fun and formative years.
The years serving as a warden were a labor of love. There was much work to do and hours to spend, but it was time surrounded by faithful people sharing in a common purpose and coming from mindful theology rooted in the principles of social justice. We also navigated the healthy challenges of differing opinions and varied motivation from the broader parish.
In the end we called a beloved new rector. A humble person, a pastor and teacher that shares a theology that reminds me of why I am Christian. We also said goodbye to our former rector. He was also a humble person, and a pastor and teacher that supported my faith journey with deep spirituality, intellectual challenge, and relentless acceptance. Both of these rectors are wonderful people serving St. Paul's and the Episcopal church with great wisdom and love.
Saying goodbye to a former rector and searching for and welcoming a new rector all while serving as a warden on the Vestry was a gift. The inner workings of organizations are unique. I was comforted and conflicted throughout the process. I was also tired at the end and ultimately needed a bit of a hiatus. That hiatus began gradually after my second term on the Vestry ended in January 2017. That year became infamous in Charlottesville because the Unite the Right group held a rally in town that resulted in a violent white supremacist riot. It was Donald Trump's first term as president and he was fueling the empowerment of fringe racist groups.
I was struggling with my faith, my identification as Christian, and the power and influence of the Christian right. The hiatus continued into the pandemic of 2020 and became seemingly more permanent. Then Breonna Taylor and George Floyd were murdered by police in Louisville and Minneapolis, respectively. Citizens were outraged by these racist murders. Trump responded by unleashing tear gas on protesters in Washington DC so that he could have a photo opportunity in front of St. John's Church. I was crushed - spiritually and politically.
My hiatus has continued through today. However, we've been going to St. Paul's more frequently over the last year and I can see that trend continuing and becoming more frequent. I decided to write this reflection because I was inspired and comforted at St. Paul's today. The readings were timely and the sermon was moving. There was also a letter on the front of the Sunday Extra (formerly the yellow sheet) from the new senior warden. I was reminded of the commitment our parish has for social justice and deep spirituality. I wrote her a thank you letter and decided to type this post.
I do belong to the Episcopal church. I am a religious person. I am a Christian. I've tried to challenge and doubt these truths many times. I continue to return to these truths and am realizing my conviction, once again, for the first time.
Psalms 138 was today's Psalm
Verse 6: Though the Lord be high, he cares for the lowly; he perceives the haughty from afar.
Here I Am Lord
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